The Blog is back... Game on!

Long time no see folks! Yes, it is true, it is back! The blog that will chronicle my adventures down under in the far away lands known as Australia! Why did the blog stop for a while, you ask? well, long story short, I wasn't still 100% sure if was even going or not, but I am happy to tell you that it is truly happening. I am going! So, just to recap, I'm heading over to Brisbane to study at Griffith University for three years. Orientation begins on February 18th 2011. Doing a bachelor of arts degree, sipping colorful drinks and petting koalas.

This is supposedly bad weather over there. Look at those miserable bastards...

I have to tell you though, it's been really tough to get this far in my plans for global domination and going to Australia. There was the issue with getting the funding, I had to get an another job, crazy Iphone people, attempting to prove to the University that yes, I can speak English and then there's selling all my stuff. Before, getting into all of this, I obviously believed Hah, I do what I want and thus it is easy... How wrong was I...

Hubris

 Alright, my escapades of the past six months haven't quite equaled the sinking of the Titanic, but I have to admit that there were a few icebergs. First off the whole funding issue. Sure, it was a simple matter of getting a loan, but the hard part is trying to get someone to back you on that loan. Living in this day and age, the market fluctuates faster than a geriatric's bowels. So backing someone's loan isn't necessarily the best thing to do at the moment without the risk of getting into a whole heap of shit (see what I did there?). Thus the prospects of heading off away from Finland once again started to drift away in the realms of fantasy. And that pissed me off. I had gone around to all my friends, telling them all that I was leaving and here comes this first iceberg to ruin my day. However, my first stroke of luck was finding my backer. I won't go into detail, but I am eternally grateful to that person.

Signing the loan agreement was hilarious too, because we had to go through all the possibilities of "what if" scenarios. Basically what if a shark decided to swim off with one of my legs or aliens attacked. In the end the only thing any insurance would cover would be something like this:

"...In case of massive radiation damage and/or war with unsuspecting enemies..."

I'm not kidding folks. The measure of "insurance" they give is a bit ridiculous. So we just cracking up that if one of us croaks, the other should off himself just to be sure. Meanwhile, I had another problem. Saving up money. So that meant getting a job. Again. As I mentioned earlier, I had been laid off four times in one year. So I decided to try my luck once again at the airport. Thankfully they were still hiring people and I was a shoe in. I walked into the bosses office, dressed like a bum, my hair all messed up and toting a full jihad beard. I guess I mumbled something about working there before as the boss stared at me with pitiful eyes and then shrugged before placing a contract in front of me to sign. Naturally I scribbled something profane an illiterate as my name and wondered home before realizing that holy shit, I have a job!

Two weeks later, I was once again working at the airport, waking up at unholy hours in the morning and serving customers with questionable intelligence and selling devices that were way above their heads. Specifically Iphones. Now let me tell you about Iphones...

Specifically these people...

Now, I have an Iphone, and sure I can be an asshole sometimes, but not an Iphone Asshole. These are a breed of people who have somehow evolved parallel to humans, yet by all mental capacities are very alien. Of course, the Iphone Asshole has different species. Let me demonstrate...

1. The "You have Iphone?" Asshole

These pricks find their meaning in life by demeaning yours by asking you meaningless questions. They are quiet and unobtrusive people as they mingle with normal humans, keeping out of sight, like predators readying an ambush. When they do find their pray (unfortunate sales people in the electronic department) they strike with their namesake followed by the usual "is it any good?", "Is it unlocked?" "how much?" "Why?" "Iphones suck!" Usually in that order.

These idiots have no concept of decency or time as they hound you with question they already know the answers to. They come in all shapes and sizes, but most speak with a funny dialect. Not any distinct accent of an nation, but some sort of pseudo-quasi-I'm way too smart for my own good type of dialect. They often ask their questions with an angry tone as if the very thought of buying an Iphone is reprehensible, yet they must have one lest their place in their social herd is forgotten. Yes, these numb-nuts really spend thirty minutes with you, telling you how lousy the phone is yet demand that you sell one to him so that he can say it sucks and not buy one. Avoid at all cost. 

2. The "I bought my Iphone in (enter country here) and it was WAAY much cheaper" Asshole

These guys are usually yuppies or douchebags who usually hang around in small groups of three or four. They tend to be the only one with an Iphone in the group and are either the alpha male or the wimpy guy that wants to hang out with the cool kids. In order to impress his pack, he constantly berates those of the electronics market with his savvy ways, by regailing them with how they used their wits to buy a cheap Iphone at another country and then pressing on the attack by telling them rather bluntly how much you suck. 

They seem confused at first, but do not be fooled by it, it is a ruse. They are true assholes and will attack you if they have the chance.

3. The "Anti Iphone" Asshole

These small, angry little depraved rodents of society find no other joy except in the sheer destruction of the concept of the Iphone and its users. They have a highly evolved sense of skewered irony, coupled with a strange ability to find exactly you. You can usually spot one from far away when their beady little eyes lock on the iphone that sits happily on your store shelf and then make a beeline for you as you mutter Oh shit... You have two options at this point, you can either run screaming, without looking back, perhaps tossing children in his way or find another customer to hound so that the Iphone Asshole has no choice but to stand still as if paused before he can attack you with his opinions on the helpless Iphone that is safely locked away in the store cabinet.

If you are unlucky enough to fall victim to these assholes, you can pretty much kiss you joyfully merry self-esteem goodbye. These Assholes are masters of condescension. They opinions are based on 100% internet fact, they are skilled professionals of the smart phone markets as they usually work menial slave labor jobs for Nokia or other telecom companies and they smell. Somehow this arrogant, pretentious and ignorant hipster-prick mixed with his awful funk, actually has an effect on you. Your mind cannot handle the streams of numbers and facts the demon keeps spewing forth from his mouth, since no one who looks or smells like that could ever have the metal capacity to know such debilitating knowledge. So he must be real. He has to tell the truth. YES, the IPHONE does suck! How could I be so wrong?! What? Join your cult? All I have to do is burn my Iphone on a stone altar during an August moon and dress like a moron? Yes, maaastaaah...

4. The "pure Iphone" Asshole

A rare breed and the most dangerous. They seem to be a hybrid of all the other Assholes mixed into one potent SUPER ASSHOLE. They begin with the usual "Do you have Iphone?" question. They then proceed to berate you with anti apple and Iphone statistics and claim how their old brick from the cold war still works and that is all he needs. Then as you think the conversation is over, he pulls out his Iphone. This is an older Iphone he bought when he still "believed" and then tells you how he bought it for cheap, followed by asking why they aren't all cheap? As your mind begins to spin from his incessant ramblings, he then mentions that it is now breaking down, so you offer to sell him the new Iphone 4 in a vain hope that perhaps you could save this poor soul as you still see a faint spark of life in his eyes. But as soon as you mention the new phone, his eyes glaze over and turn dark, like the glassy eyes of a shark. Then with a new found deep voice, he declares that he will NEVER buy a new iphone. Except for his wife and or kids. He may add that you are stupid for even asking him such a suddenly hurtful question and demands that you now show him the new Iphone. 

With tears welling up in your eyes, you open your cabinet and pass on the phone, perhaps whispering words of support and strength to the little frightened phone as the cold alien hands of the asshole grasp it. He proceeds to inspect it like a beast playing with its pray. Declaring victory, he howls out to his yuppie friends who flock to him like a pack of rabid seagulls. They bicker and fight over the phone, passing it along like the carcass of a dead fish declaring their dominance over it and then take turns in taking out their own phones and waving them defiantly in the Iphone's poor defenseless face. With a final grunt of satisfaction that they really are better people than you, he hands the now terrified and sobbing phone back to you. You look down, knowing that the poor Iphone will now live on with a broken sense of self worth and will most likely be unreliable and end up dying from a power overload. You sigh, for it is the only thing you can do and put the phone back, next to the other now eerily silent phones and turn around to find the Asshole and his pack of lunatics have disappeared, as if they were never there, like wraiths of a demonic mobile market world...

Then you have these guys... But I refuse to go there... I refuse.

Alright, so I went a little off topic there, sorry. But honestly folks, they were and in some regards are still an obstacle in my path to Australia. So there I am doing my hardest not to assault customers on a daily basis, saving up my cash when suddenly I find out that in order to study at Griffith, I had to do the TOEFL exam. It's an English exam. To prove I can speak it. I shrugged and thought, Meh, I can do that. Went to their website and saw how much it costs... 255€!!! What the hell?! And to make things worse, I even tried out their training exam. It consists of the most boring stuff you will ever read, listen to or write about. You literally listen to two people talking about their previous fiscal year in their company for fifteen minutes, then afterward you answer questions such as "Why did John say that the annual estimates of 1995 were at a peak of 8% when previously they were at 5%?" "What did David mean by his denouncements of audits to their tier 1 environmental partners?" 

An unfortunately common occurrence at an TOEFL exam

As a rule of thumb, I try to avoid anything that would potentially make my head explode, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and send them an email. After a hefty dialogue with four different administrations and eight people I had FINALLY managed to prove that I do in fact know how to speak, read and write English. There's that iceberg dodged. 

Which finally brings us to me selling all my stuff. Which I have yet to do. I got 48 days to sell everything and or get rid of everything. When you think about it, it's not such a big deal. But it is. You start looking at all your junk you've accumulated all your life and suddenly all that shit matters to you suddenly. I understand those creepy hoarding bastards on TV now. But alas, I can't take all that stuff with me, so I better sell and get rid of it. But it is an oddly liberating task, you feel cleansed, fresh, a new. 

So, finally here I am, once again getting ready to head off. This time for certain and no matter what icebergs head my way, I will break through them, like before. Because Australia is a kick ass country with friendly people and it is the new land of hope! Nothing can stop me now!

Australian border control

Shit...

Finland! why its the best frikkin country in the world!

Hey there folks!

As I'm preparing for my great adventure down under, I thought it would be time to say something about my homeland. This is more of an effort to shine a brighter light on this wonderful country known as Finland, because this IS a wonderful country! We got great history, heroes, language, music and by god, we got sisu! What is sisu? It's what we are, who we are. Its guts! Our pride! Perkele!

Yes... Finland is in my heart.

Finland as all of you know is situated far up north in the frozen wastes of the Scandinavian outback. Crammed between Sweden and the great bear known as Russia, we constantly stay vigilant as we fight off the hordes of polar bears thrown our way. But this is of course the least of our worries as we still struggle to survive in near absolute zero temperatures that freeze trams to their tracks, blow up water pipes and collapse buildings.

But this didn't stop our first ancestors coming over and settling down in the forests. I mean you got to have huge set of balls to up and go from sunnier climates and come up here to live. Its like living in the south was to easy and they came here for a challenge. Finns were built for extreme temperatures! The weather outside reaches minus 40 degrees celsius and what do we do? Hell, we jump in the sauna with scorching heat up to 90 degrees celsius, THEN we jump out into the cold and roll in the snow. Or we jump into the frozen sea. One extreme the next. That's how Finnish people relax.

They say it is healthy for you. Until you die from it of course...

Our history is also pretty coloured. Mostly filled with war. Suffice it to say that before the Swedes invaded, we were a happy forest people. Like trolls. Then when the pristine and effeminate Swedish conquest party first landed on our shores we as a people were rather astonished. The nobles Swedish kings of 1249 were nodding their heads approvingly at the vast lumber at their disposal, picking up small pebbles and muttering "Ja, mycket bra!". This was the land for them. Only to suddenly find hordes of unwieldly naked men screaming at the top of their lungs profanities that would make even Satan blush. Not to mention toting really large weapons. The Swedes would of course beat a hasty retreat and later declare Finland a part of their empire from the safety of their own shores.

"Perkele!!!"

Later when the Swedes decided to go on a war binge down in Europe during the thirty years war (1618-1648), they suddenly remembered "Hey, those crazy bastards in that foresty country... We could use them!" "Yeah!" the other would say, "And stick them on horses!"  Thus the Hakkapeliitta calvalry was born, the baddest bunch of sons of bitches in the northern hemisphere. Why were they called the Hakkapeliitta? Well, as they did with the Swedes minus the nakedness, they shouted profanities in Finnish. One of them being a more motivating "Hakkaa päälle Suomen Poika!" which translates roughly to "Cut them down Finnish boy!" But as you can assume, the French who saw the horse riding lunatics screaming gibberish didn't really understand what they said. So the closest thing to call them was Hakkapeliitta.

 The Hakkapeliitta. We put the "laugh" in Slaughter!

But time went on and the ownership of Finland went to Russia after another brief war. I often wonder what the first thing to run through the Tzar's mind was when he saw the rabid hordes of uneducated brutes. Whatever it was, he quickly forced education upon them and soon we could read and write, thus adding rather rude graffiti to our repertoire of dastardly antics. However we soon grew tired of Russia and decided to go solo in 1917. There was a rather morbid civil war that really has nothing remotely funny to write about and then came world war 2. And we rocked world war 2. Sure, we were "defeated" or  we "capitulated" but historians to this day say that the Finnish defence against Russia in ww2 is only equaled by the brave defence of the spartans against Persia at the battle of Thermopylae back in 480 b.c.

We bloody stood our ground! 200,000, brave beyond lunacy, Finns stood against ten zillion Russians and duked it out for the better part of the war. Stories are abound of how Finnish men would be shot down, only to get up angrier and lay waste to entire divisions of troopers! Think of an army of Bruce Willises... Such heroes like Rokka are pure legend, then there are the real dudes. Simo Häyhä, sniper. Took down over 500 russians. With open sights. And he was a modest fellow too. So tallies could be higher. The Russians aptly called him the White Death. Then there's Lauri Törni. Americans call him Larry Thorne. Why? Well, this psycho was so into war that he promptly escaped Finland for a crime he didn't commit (in a friggin submanrine no less) to the American Military. He was a one man A-Team. For real. He is the founding father of the Green Beret special forces branch! I could write a whole article on this guy! But trust me, he was a walking war machine. He dissapered during the Vietnam War and was then labled a war hero and has a memorial in the States. They even made a movie with John fucking Wayne as Larry Thorne!

"

"Missä ne on? Mä tapan ne!" 

But enough about war, I could go on for days about our pure awesomeness in that field of expertise. Lets talk about something even more exiting! The Finnish language! The 5th hardest language in the world to learn and probably the single most incoherent yet wonderfully straightforward language in the world. The structure of Finnish is a marvel to behold, with rules and tangents that would put quantum physics to shame. Here, check this out;

"The morphosyntactic alignment is nominative-accusative; but there are two object cases: accusative and partitive. The contrast between the two is telic, where the accusative case denotes actions completed as intended (Ammuin hirven "I shot (killed) the elk"), and the partitive case denotes incomplete actions (Ammuin hirveä "I shot (at) the elk"). Often this is confused with perfectivity, but the only element of perfectivity that exists in Finnish is that there are some perfective verbs. Transitivity is distinguished by different verbs for transitive and intransitive, e.g. ratkaista "to solve something" vs. ratketa "to solve by itself". There are several frequentative and momentane verb categories." etc...

  "I don't understand! bllluuurghh..."

 That ain't all folks! Did you know that Finnish has magical properties too? Tolkien knew this and based the Elven Language on it. Though Orcish is more akin to it. But seriously, Finnish touts the longest palindrome in the world! Saippuakivikauppias (Soap stone seller). Yes, we are the proud owners of the longest word you can say backwards being the same word!! but wait theres more! We also can have entire conversations with the use of only 2 letters! BEHOLD!

"Kokoo koko kokko." "Construct the whole bonfire."

"Koko kokkoko?" "The whole bonifre?"

"koko kokko." "The whole bonfire."

YET! The Finnish language is one of the most, if not the most beautifully discriptive languages in the world. I can't really describe it to foreigners, but I love to read in Finnish. I've heard many foreigners say that Finnish sounds like two cavemen trying to communicate or that we just seem to swear alot since the letter R is rather predominant in the language. Yeah sure, Finnish is monotonous, but its all about the words we use. Depending on the words we use, we convey how we feel. Thats why reading it is so great. The Finnish written language is a whole different beast all together! Think of it like Shakesperean English and you have an idea. And its an honest language. We say what we mean and don't really have many shallow words. Most likely due to the fact that if you're trying to be crafty with your words while it's minus 40 outside, you might freeze to death before you get your point across. 

 Most of Finnish communication out in the cold consists of stares and intent...

That leads us to our culture. Boy... Where to start... Well how about our cultural heritage, an opus known as the Kalevala. It basically reads like someting out of the Lord of the Rings (point in fact Tolkien took alot of influence off of it). You got this old decrepit wizard dude named Väinämöinen, something like Gandalf, but who is pritty much an douchebag. He goes around being an asshole, even getting into a fight with Joukahainen who he promptly begins to drown in a bog. Pleeing for his life, Joukahainen offers his sister to Väinämöinen. Väinämöinen, who takes a liking to young girls, accepts. When the poor girl finds out, she drowns herself.

Gandalf also liked Hobbits. Hmmm, connection?

Not really peturbed by this, he goes off to many a merry adventure full of deceit, monsters and evil witch ladies of the north that turn into harpies and finally rowing off into the sunset as Jesus is born. Cool stuff. They even made a rather lousy kung-fu movie about it if you feel like watching the rape of the very foundation of Finnish epics.

Apart from the utter lack of taste we have in this country, we are in fact a country of champions! We tend to dominiate some of the most excentric sports known to man. Fastest gun in the west? Arvo Ojala. He makes his living teaching actors how its done in the old west. Where are the Air guitar world championships held? World Wife Carrying championships? All Finland. We even won the Eurovision with a frikkin monster band! 

The apex of Finnish musical might!

That leaves us with the final question. What gives us all these magical powers? Sisu! Thats what! As I mentioned before, it is the sheer tenacity of our force of will that keeps us going. The power to turn our soldiers into living zombies of hate while the enemy impontently empty their guns at them (Though some theorists believe that this phenomenon in ww2 was due the shitload of heroine that was distributed amongst the ranks). With sisu, anything can be accomplished. And with this sisu I wll end this article before I decide to give up my plans to leave to Australia and stay here... 

See you kids in the Slipstream.

P.S This post is NOT supposed to be historically correct. so don't use it in your homework or you'll go blind.

Plan B!

So what is Plan B... Is it a bomb? My attempt to take over the world with cybernetically augmented mutant killer death shrimp of doom? Attack from behind?

 

I can't study eh? I'll show you! I'll show you all!!!

No folks, nothing as dramatic as that. Though I have to admit that a part of me wishes to have the psychopathic genious level of skill in order to grow some death shrimp of doom. Though I get my kicks from playing Universe Sandbox.Who wants to trash the planet when you can ruin the entire universe? I've been having a hell of a ball shooting an arsenal of black holes at the Milky Way and laughing maniacally as the galaxy is torn to shreds! Hell, I even managed to accidentally jostle the orbit of the sun with a rogue star and have mercury fling off into the blackness, saturn explode and have the Earth burn to a crisp as it hurtled towards the center of the universe. Sweeet.

  

Wheeee!!!

Ok, I got off topic there folks... But seriously, my plan B is this. Yep, a working holiday. Twelve months around Australia working any kind of job I can imagine and seeing the country for what it is. I could go gather peaches, oranges, bananas (singing Harry Belafonte ofcourse), grapes, taking care of koalas, feeding kangaroos, capturing crocs and petting wombats! Ok, theres also bartending, sales and all the other jobs normal cities have to offer. But why stick with the normal stuff? Why the hell go all the way to Australia if all you want to do is get stuck in a bloody office? It's like... It's like going to Australia and getting stuck in the office! Hell, you want to see the wildlife, even if it DOES want to eat you. You want to touch the wild life, smell the air, be free of the rat race that is called living here in Finland. 

  

"Nah worries mate! It's a safe job!"

 Sure, I know lots of people who go off to far flung locations so they could sit their asses on the same beach they sat their asses on last year in a different country. Staying in that sterile hotel, taking that picture with the monkey, eating the same cheeseburger with a mai thai. Yeah... Not for me. If I'm paying money to go to a country I'm bloody well going to see it! not just the tourist traps, though I do visit them for historical reason, I want to see the REAL thing. In Norway I went to the west and north. Absolutely nothing there. Except for the most beautiful scenery you will ever wish or hope to see. Odd little fishing villages with friendly folk who look at you oddly as if you were some strange shaped piece of driftwood that just washed up on shore. It's like coming to Finland and seeing... Uuhm... Kouvola.

  

The REAL Finland... Kouvola... Land of... Liqourice.

Yeah ok, so it doesen't work in all the countries of the world. But it does to most of them. Think about it... Picking grapes at a vinyard, the sun on your back and the red soil beneath you. The fresh breeze of of air brushing between the vines, the distant crash of the ocean. No care in the world except getting your basket full of grapes. Then as your chores are over, heading off to the wine bars and spending the rest of the warm evening amongst friends by the coast. Dude, seriously! Here in Finland the best you can hope for is an over priced beer at a seedy bar fly infested hole after a hard days work of staring off into nothing and/or snow...

 

"Ei vittu." A term often used by happy Finns.

I guess the whole idea behind a working holiday is that you get to see the country for it really is! Not just the tourist destinations or hotels. You meet the real people, you eat their food, live like they do, work like they do. For all matter of purposes you are Australian for that one year. I like that idea. Don't get me wrong, I'm still Finnish. I love my country. This place is great. Really! 

So yeah. Thats my Plan B. I work for a year, enjoy a holiday at the same time. Thats if I don't get into university. Life is unpredictable and all we can do is stay in the slipstream. Thats all for now kids!

 

-Four Years later-

"So what did you do there?"

*Putting on sun glasses.* "I became a fighter pilot..."

Applying for study... Not so easy is it?

Hey there folks...

So, for the past few days I've been looking at places to study and I've pretty much narrowed it down to two places. Griffith University and Bond University. Both offer Film and TV studies, but one starts in July, the other September. Also, Griffith would only be a Bachelor of Arts while Bond would be a Bachelor of Film and TV. Griffith is 3 years with an extra 4th year with honours while Bond is two years. Griffith is about 50,000 AUS while Bond is 80,000 AUS. Griffith is more free for me to do work, while Bond is full time. Griffith doesent have so much in scholarships, but Bond has a good selection of scholarships. Griffith is next to Brisbane, Bond next to Surfers Paradise. AAARGH! Both have everything I want... and I need to choose one.

Do I REALLY need to explain it?

Griffith seems to have a really wide range of studies, meaning a really good community of students. So chances are I'll probably find like minded people. Bond... well, shit its named after a secret agent! Hell, I'd give my right nut to have that name on my CV! Though, come to think of it, I guess all them inevitable "Did you learn to be a spy?" questions would get old really fast. But its a really GOOD university! Dorms, stuff to do, SURFERS PARADISE! I mean, hell. If a town is called Surfers Paradise, ya just gotta go there!

Griffin riding is mandatory at Griffith

However, I've been eyeing Griffith University for a longer time. Actually, originally I was about to apply for a Bachelor in Film and TV studies. "So why didn't you?" I hear you ask. Well, because the course starts in three weeks. Not July. Hehehehehe... Thanks to my very astute and observant sister who wisely slapped me on the back of the head and said "Stupid!", I saved myself the embarrassment of screwing up royally. I even bloody edited a 10 min portfolio for the course. Pfft, time well spent. The BA just needs my school certificates.

 

Like I said, Royally fail...

Think... I would have applied for a spot that would start in three weeks. Shit. I can't even clean my kitchen in that time let alone get ready for an adventure to the other side of the friggin planet! Bachelor of Arts has to suffice. For now. It still has film and TV and writing and literature too. So why not. I can apply for a transfer when I'm there.

Then there is always plan b... I'll tell you guys about that later. ;) 

See you in the slipstream.

Things to know about Australia

Alright,
I've been studying Australia for quite some time now and I thought I could share some knowledge of the Land Down Unda. Theres an aweful lot to know about it too. For instance, the capital of Australia is Canberra. It is the largest island nation in the world. It had giant eagles that could pluck you off the ground about 500 years ago. Ok, thats in New Zealand, but with a wingspan that large I wouldn't be suprised if they flew over once in a while for a snack.

 

 "Oh Jesus Christ!"

Also with what Men at Work have sung about, I can deduce that the local population eat vegemite sandwiches, the beer flows and men plunder. Not to mention the thunder... 

I need to pack my umbrella... And my body armor...

Then there is Australia's nature! I mean wow! The great barrier reef is one of the largest reef systems in the world, with countless species of fish and other sea life. The outback is home to some of the most bizzare creatures ever to grace the surface of the planet! And all cute too! Kangaroos, Koalas, the Platypus and the wombat!

Awww, look at that little guy!

I mean look at him... Just give it a minute... Can't you just see those things roaming free, happily scampering about their little lives as people smile and feed them fresh fruit? I sure can! 

But then reality hits me and I realise that Australia also houses some of the most horrifying shit nature ever decided to cram into one island. Just read this article!

No wait... HOLY  SHIT! Aaargh!

So yeah its pretty much like Pandora. Sydney funnel web spiders, killer octopi, killer snakes, killer everything. It's like the place was designed so that everything wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubes! Hell, the place IS Pandora! So I guess I gotta do exactly what they do in the movie. Go native.

"Heheh yeah! This is great! I... Wait, did you say I'm BLUE?!"

And so it begins...

Well...

I'm assuming most of you have heard by now that I was once again laid off from work. That makes it 4 times in row. In a span of 12 months. Due to no fault of my own. So... If its not my fault I got the shaft, then all I can assume is that there's something wrong here in Finland, since all these companies don't seem to have the funds to pay my salary. So, I'm going.

Here...

That's right kids... I'm off to AUSTRALIA! This has been a long time coming and all of you who've heard me rant on about it can rest easy now. Now to be more specific, I'll be aiming to head to Brisbane. The Paradise of Australia! To do what I hear you ask... To study! Film! Yes! Well hopefully...

See, for quite some time now, I've been having this feeling in my gut that I got to leave this country. I don't know what it is, but just this feeling that I gotta see the world! I need to get out of here lest I end up old and decrepit in some sleazy bar, telling passers by that I could have done something with my life... No. This is my chance to get the hell out, do something I can be proud of. And hell, get some sun while I'm at it!

I mean look at this shit...

The snow in Finland is ridiculous. Ok, sure. We didn't get snow for about three years, but then when it finally decides to fall it turns biblical. Like god decided one day, "HAH! I'll cover the bastards in snow! Let's see them get out of this one." Hell, I'm still waiting for the official announcement that the ice age has started. Not only that, you'd think that a country that prides itself for housing and taking care of Santa Clause would bloody know how to maintain its infrasutructure and public transport system. But nope. We got pipes exploding, massive floodings, ice falling and killing people in the streets, busses catching fire, trams freezing in place on the streets and trains derailing and crashing into hotels 20 friggin feet above the tracks! So I thought, "Hey, Australia couldn't be further away before you start heading back!" It also has the added benefit of having a booming film industry, beautiful weather, nice people and pretty much awesome surfing. There seemed to be nothing stopping me from going there!

Well... Perhaps this thing...

So, now we come to the purpose of this whole thing... The reason why I'm ranting here like a lunatic. I'm going to chronicle my whole adventure! From starting out the process of going there. To actually being there. At some point, this written blog will turn into a video blog. but for now, you're gonna have to read all this!

Finally... This is it. Here we go... See you next time kids... See you in the slipstream...